{"id":12849,"date":"2024-11-04T10:50:58","date_gmt":"2024-11-04T15:50:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childrenscenter.net\/?p=12849"},"modified":"2024-11-04T10:58:40","modified_gmt":"2024-11-04T15:58:40","slug":"its-ok-not-to-ask-are-you-ok","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.childrenscenter.net\/index.php\/2024\/11\/04\/its-ok-not-to-ask-are-you-ok\/","title":{"rendered":"It&#8217;s Ok Not to Ask, &#8216;Are You OK?&#8217;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-default is-cropped wp-block-gallery-1 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"275\" height=\"183\" data-id=\"12853\" src=\"https:\/\/www.childrenscenter.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/falling-down-hill.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-12853\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"275\" height=\"183\" data-id=\"12852\" src=\"https:\/\/www.childrenscenter.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/falling-kid.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-12852\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"275\" height=\"183\" data-id=\"12851\" src=\"https:\/\/www.childrenscenter.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/images.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-12851\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size wp-block-paragraph\">Written by Efrim C.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\">One of my favorite things about the culture here at CCB is the center-wide belief that every teacher should be their authentic self in their classroom with the kids, parents, and colleagues alike. When working with new teachers, developing parent education programs or partnering with long time teachers, I nonetheless point out that there are some (usually) benign habits of speech that I prefer teachers inhibit when working with young children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some common examples include, \u201cbe careful!\u201d \u201cthat is not safe!\u201d or \u201cthat is dangerous;\u201d simply calling \u201cstop! no!\u201d or using only a child\u2019s name to indicate when they are exhibiting undesirable behaviors. Such expressions offer children neither actionable information about the world around them (what exactly is dangerous? Why? What might happen?) nor new ways to navigate it (what to do to avert an unsafe consequences? What is a safe choice that achieves the same goal?).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We know that children use our reactions to gauge their own impact on the environment and those around them. Children can sometimes be exceedingly transparent when they are limit-testing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who of us working with toddlers and preschoolers have not watched a child slowly escalate a behavior (increasingly loud voice at nap time, banging two toys together with slightly more force each time . . .) while looking to you over and over after each instance to see just how far they can push before you respond to redirect or otherwise intervene.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And we know that children look to us as models as they build their own interpretations of their world as well as themselves. It is always striking to me when visiting the 2 year olds, just how thoroughly they repeat what we say to them. These repetitions are doing far more than just building vocabulary, helping them find the words to describe their experiences and exert their influence on the environment. The language we give children does more than interpret the world for them, it interprets the world into being for them. The language we use and that we teach children to use for themselves shapes, in a very real way, what the world around them is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is why as teachers, we strive to use language that is neutral and objective. There is a difference, as we know, between playing in the mud with a child, scooping a handful and saying that it feels \u201ccold, wet, and slippery\u201d and saying that it feels \u201cyucky, gross, and dirty.\u201d The former we know is descriptive and the latter valuative. Or, even more impactful, saying that the mud is cold, wet, and slippery, and implying with our tone, facial expression, and gestures that it is also yucky, gross, and dirty. As Margaret Mead\u2019s has famously written, \u201cwe must teach children how to think, not what to think.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is why, when asked by a child if we like their art, their clothes, the snack we are sharing with them, and so on, we turn the question back to them, \u201cdo you like it?\u201d This is why we emphasize using open-ended questions whenever we can, \u201chow does this mud feel to you?\u201d instead of yes or no questions, \u201cdoes this feel wet, yucky, crunchy, etc?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I acknowledge that it is a fine balance to tread between allowing children to form their own visions and interpretations of the world, and providing the tools and language to do so. And like so much else in our field, walking that line is determined by each individual child\u2019s temperament and development, the dynamics of the group, the context of the experience, family culture and history, and countless other factors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is for all the above reasons that I generally oppose using \u201care you OK?\u201d as a response to children who are injured, hurt, or otherwise in distress. When a child falls on the playground and our immediate reaction, without taking the time to first observe the child\u2019s own, is to call out an alarmed \u201care you ok?!\u201d we are sending the message that the occasion is a cause for alarm. The question inherently implies that there is reason to not be OK. When children see that they are able to illicit such an emotional and immediate response from us, we set the expectation that affecting being hurt is a way to gain our attention. The question poses for the child a closed binary, the answer is \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cno,\u201d it neither prompts the child to reflect on what or how they are feeling nor gives us any useful information about how we can support the child when answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In short, the question essentially projects our interpretation, concerns or fears onto the child, instead of making room for the child\u2019s own natural reaction, often creating a loop wherein the child is simply reflecting our emotions or responses back to us. So often, developing our practice \u2013 our discipline \u2013 of working with young children is as much a process of unlearning ingrained habits as it is strengthening and building new ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Instead of immediately jumping to action when you see a child take a minor spill, remain near, wait a breath or two, and just observe the child, who very often is looking to you to see how you will respond. More often than some may expect, if you do not immediately jump into action, the child will get up and resume playing without much of a fuss at all. Or you can try acknowledging the moment with a statement of fact, \u201cyou fell down,\u201d or humorously with a sound effect or onomatopoeic \u201csplat.\u201d Or asking the open ended, \u201chow does your body feel?\u201d And when the child shows us they may want or need some support in the moment (beyond any first aid they may need, of course), we can by word or gesture, ask the child what we can do for them, a hug or a help getting up from a fall, or rubbing the ouch away with a gentle touch. When we do this, we are not displaying indifference, or turning away from a child in need, but rather providing the child with an opportunity to develop the resilience and the knowledge that they can endure life\u2019s bumps and bruises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Written by Efrim C. One of my favorite things about the culture here at CCB is the center-wide belief that every teacher should be their authentic self in their classroom with the kids, parents, and colleagues alike. When working with new teachers, developing parent education programs or partnering with long&hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.childrenscenter.net\/index.php\/2024\/11\/04\/its-ok-not-to-ask-are-you-ok\/\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[23,22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12849","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parent-teacher-resource-blog","category-running-feet-and-outside-voices"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>It&#039;s Ok Not to Ask, &#039;Are You OK?&#039; - The Childrens Center of Brighton, Inc.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The Childrens Center of Brighton, Inc. 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